It was the week before our wedding and we were lying in bed. Jordan was reading and, as he usually is when reading in bed, he was close to falling asleep.
I was staring at the ceiling thinking about our wedding vows.
We had decided to recite informal vows at a bonfire that was only a few days away. I had been working hard, trying to come up with the words that would aptly express how I felt about him, but I was starting to get concerned.
What if I was approaching it all the wrong way? By definition, vows are supposed to be promises, but I had focused quite a bit on what I love about Jordan. I was planning to say a lot about what he does for me, not necessarily what I promise to do or be for him. Then my mind went blank. For everything he does for me, I didn’t really know what I did for him.
I had to ask, so I turned my head.
“Baby?” I said.
“Hmm,” he replied without looking up from his book.
Like any girl who is trying to extract information from a tired guy, I blurted out all the thoughts in my head:
“Well, I’m thinking about our vows and how they can go any number of directions. Are we supposed to declare what we love about each other or are we supposed to focus on what we promise to offer each other?
“Hmm,” he said again. This time his “hmm” was more of a grunt than a “go on,” but I forged ahead.
“I’ve been so focused on why I love you that I’m not even sure why you love me. You do so many things for me: You sing me songs, you make me laugh, you comfort me, you always consider my feelings…basically, you’re wonderful. And I’m just wondering, with everything that you do for me, what is it that I do for you?”
Still cradling the book, he curled his lip and looked at me out of the corner of his eyes.
“You annoy me,” he said.